Ouch. Have you had days like this?
We live in a world of hurt. Every person responds to their hurts in a different way depending on their background. If we are willing to examine our own sensitive areas where others have offended us or wounded our feelings in some way, we will be more skilled in writing about the hurts in our character’s lives.
One of the hardest things I struggle with is when people misunderstand me and there is no resolution. Some of those tough situations have been within churches or under a particular ministry. And yes, there have been times I’ve felt like the guy in the picture : ) Unable to stand and when I finally do get up, feeling battered and stomped on.
Usually strangers aren’t capable of hurting us too deeply . It is always those we love and care about, the wounds of a friend, family member, church congregant or leadership.
When we can’t figure out why they act like they do, if we examine their background and experience, some of their actions make more sense. They hurt others because they are not handling their own hurts well. Anger, sarcasm, bitterness, guilt, unforgiveness, and judgement in someone’s attitude may be covering up a world of hurt in their own lives. As we begin to understand this, we are more able to navigate through our bruised feelings and extend grace to those who have hurt us.
What hurts you the most? Can you trace your reaction back to your early years?
Writers, are you able to write some of these personal hurts into your character’s lives for a more meaningful story?
I certainly write using my hurts from the past, as well as the present. I think that our writing has more meaning when we have a personal understanding of hurts, emotions, circumstances. We don’t have to guess. It makes us stronger writers.
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Comment by Nancy Thelen — October 6, 2012
Good point, Nancy. You mentioned hurts from the past, “as well as the present.” And those hurts, though painful, can be channeled into our writing to help someone else. I agree, it makes for stronger and more effective writing. Thanks for your input!
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Comment by admin — October 7, 2012
Church congregants have probably caused me the most hurt over the years. I’m careful about who I develop close friendships with…those who are less close have definitely wounded me – destroyed my trust in them. But those who attend church have been the worst – particularly the ones who elevate themselves by outright lying about or attacking others. I’ve even seen some of them set out to completely destroy an innocent person. I think those folks cause hurts that run so much deeper because they SHOULD know better than to act like that.
And, yep, I’ve channeled that into my writing. I’ve been able to create situations for my characters wherein they have to deal with similar issues and types of people as I have.
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Comment by Dawn Turner — October 6, 2012
Dawn,
I think we have such high expectations of our fellow church members. Unfortunately, we are all still human and therefore, continue to stray from doing what’s right and fall into gossip, backbiting and causing hurt. I pray that God heals the hurts for you, I know – I’ve been there. It sounds like you’re finding a good balance in setting boundaries and establishing better relationships. And isn’t it just like Jesus, that He can turn those situations around by using those painful places through our writing to help others. God bless your writing!
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Comment by admin — October 7, 2012
At this time in life what hurts me most is how uncaring and rude my siblings seem to be to our elderly Dad. As the oldest, I’ve always been “the responsible one”, the “dependable one”. You know what? I’m tired and need a break from all that responsibility BUT my siblings, have all kinds of excuses not to help. Before Dad’s most recent illness the Lord brought this scripture to my mind in the book of Esther 4:14b NIV: “…And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?” Being “the oldest” may not be a royal position, but I understood what the Lord was saying. If I didn’t take up my Dad’s “cause”, who would? Through the past nine months of stress and anger the Lord’s grace has truly been more than sufficient even though I know that I’m still tired and would like more help from the family. (Do not be weary in well doing…is another scripture, but tell that to my poor tired body and mangled emotions!)
Anyway, I have considered writing these emotions in a non-fiction devotional as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has and is dealing with the care of an elderly parent. It’s just another way to grow in His grace.
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Comment by Anita — October 7, 2012
Anita,
I can feel the stress and weariness just from your comment. If it’s any comfort, know that many others have gone through the same thing. I have friends with larger families and when a parent needed care, it still all seemed to fall on just one sibling. I pray that God strengthens you. Daily. And know that you won’t always have your dad with you and when he has passed on – you will never regret all the time, care and help that you were able to give him. Death is so final, you can never go back and change things. If there is any way for you to get away and get a break, I hope that happens for you. Even if it’s only for a couple of days, it would help you so much. And yes, do draft out that book, it sounds wonderful. I’m sure it could be a blessing to so many. God bless you, help you, strengthen and encourage you…
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Comment by admin — October 7, 2012
Sadly, I’ve been hurt far more by Christians than anyone else. And it does help with the writing. I think when we can pull from the pain it’s more authentic. Thanks for posting!
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Comment by Deborah K. Anderson — October 7, 2012
Deborah,
I believe the enemy knows that we are hurt far deeper by our fellow Christians than by anyone else. I’m praying that God helps us all to recognize this and be more sensitive to one another, kindhearted and caring. If we would truly seek the Lord and His ways, we would desire to please Him more – and love each other in word and deed. But not everyone is willing, so we have to use wisdom in our own relationships. As for writing, I know that some of the best books I’ve read have been penned out of personal struggles and pain – and they have touched me more than any others. God bless you and your writing – and thanks for your comment.
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Comment by admin — October 7, 2012
I’m so glad I subscribed to your blog, Cynthia! I’m toying with doing one but I’m still chicken 🙂
I don’t write fiction but I did weave many of my personal hurts into my study “Storms of Life.” Certainly the lessons I learned through those hurts were all through it.
I’m already looking forward to BRMCWC and to seeing you again.
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Comment by Sherry — October 7, 2012
Sherry, my friend! So nice to see your name on a comment! Hey, if you can put out your newsletter, you can surely do a blog…just keep it simple. I bet the reason you WON THE AWARD at BLUE RIDGE : )
for STORMS OF LIFE, was due to the fact you wrote honestly out of your own experiences. Yes, can’t wait to be back at Blue Ridge…
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Comment by admin — October 7, 2012
Comment for Anita the Eldest: Cynthia gives great advice and encouragement. I know because she has helped me for years! I am the eldest daughter, 64, and was always the most available, and dependable one to our Mom and also my mother-in-law for many years. Long story short: no regrets for any care rendered. None. That speaks volumes about the future when care is past tense. Doing our best even under extreme circumstances, is always a positive move, because we are the one person we always have to live with.
However, as Cynthia highly suggests, and any caregiver will give a resounding Amen, you must take time for yourself.
Somehow. Someway. Without feeling guilt. It is not a luxury. It is a necessity. Taking care of yourself will actually help you be a better caregiver. Talk to other caregivers. I would love to share encouragement with you, especially the no regret part.
Hard work, tears, and turmoil, but no regrets.
I understand about the resentment part, too. That just adds to your load. Do YOUR best with love. It works every time.
Your friend, Melody Gibson
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Comment by Melody — October 8, 2012
Melody,
Thanks for sharing your heart. I’m passing your email and comment on to Anita personally. I’m sure you can be a help and encouragement to her, having walked the same road.
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Comment by admin — October 8, 2012